Sunday, January 11, 2009

My Mommy Cat Isn't Going to Make it............

This isn't my usual kind of post. I'm distraught and a mess.....I just have to get it out........My sentences may not flow..............

So, I thought I had a bad day when I found out that my Financial Aid was taken away. Today was one of the worse days of my life. I received a call from my "Aunt" Debbie telling me to call her immediately b/c Aunt Cat (my grandma) is sick. I thought maybe she caught a bad cold, maybe she fell. She was just at my house during Christmas and I spoke to her on Wednesday. She had a massive stroke and has internal bleeding in her brain and was taken to Jamaica Hospital (Queens, NY). No one was with her when it happened, shes lives alone and wont have it anyother way. Her sisters live together in the building next to her. They call each other every morning to make sure that "everyone is alive".... She didn't answer this morning. So her sisters went to her apartment and they found her on the bathroom floor. What! I told Debbie to "shut-up". I then called my Aunt Jean, (my grandmothers sister who was at the hospital) my grandmas sister she said "Ken, your grandmother is dying, we are with her, please have your mother get here and call here so they can "make decisions". They can to operate on her brain, but it wont help. She told me I had to find my Mom ASAP b/c my Mom had to make some "decisions". My mom does not keep her cell on. She keeps it OFF in her purse. I didn't know where she was. So I called my Dad at work hysterical. He reminded me that my mom was working today. I called my mom at work, asked her to get up use the phone alone. I had to break the news. It was the worse call I've ever had to make. How do you tell your mother that her mother who she spoke with last night is on her way out. My mom has always told me that "she cannot function without her mother and when the day comes she's going to not handle it well".... The first thing she said was "no-not my mommy", it's like she read my mind. I told her who to call and that I was on stand by ready to come home. Of course everyone's phones were off and we couldn't get anyone. So I'm in Naugatuck and my Mom is in Danbury. She left work, my Dad left work. I'm 30 mins away @ my bf's house. My mother calls me back and says that my father and her were on there way down to Queens, NY (1hr 30mins away). I'm half way home and realize that I can't drive, at least not alone. I call my bf he's now home tells me to turn around pick him up and he'll go down with me. I get back to his house. IT STARTS SNOWING LIKE CRAZY. I know were not going to make the 2 hr. trip. My mom calls me and tells me to TURN AROUND it's pretty bad. So I did. As of now she's in a coma. My mother signed a DNR (Do Not Ressesistate), and she's on a respirator. I love my Mommy Cat so much. I call her Mommy Cat b/c my mom calls her mommy and everyone knows her as "Cat" (Catherine).
She was the fun grandma. She always let me express myself. She did nothing but love my mother, me and the entire family. When I would spend the night with her, there was no bedtime! She let me stay up till I passed out. She let me eat what I wanted. She had the cutest Tic-Tac addiction. She's afraid to fly but has been to 49 states via train & cruises. Orange Jell-O was her favorite! When I gained weight, she still told me that "you look good, girl". When I lost it she never mentioned it, but still said "girl... you look good! Every year on my b-day she'd give me $100 +my age!!! The same for my mom. We shop all the time. If my mother or I so much as took something off the rack she'd say "baby, if you want it, I'll get it for you....." We'd protest, she'd buy it. She loved Hello Kitty too, because I did, and b/c everyone calls her Cat. I always send her letters with Hello Kitty stationary and stickers. Her apartment is chic & modern ....No "old lady" stuff in there. I'm 27 and you'd think it was my place. She has a box with every drawing or thingy I've ever made or given her in year order. She also has one of my moms stuff. I loves pictures and went on about the photo coasters I made her for Christmas.
She was the family rock! Her sister my Aunt Jean was with a bad man. Mommy Cat saw her battered sister and went to the mans house and KNOCKED HIS ASS OUT & DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS! She had long pretty hair and she always let me comb it and play in it. We've had 38 annual Family Reuions she's been to all of them! She'd always secretly slip me a $20 dollar bill for "carfare" & my mom too every time we'd visit (almost weekly). She didn't cook but always took her to "her kitchen" the diner in her apartment village. She'd let me wander in the Beauty Supply Store by her, b/c it's hard too find "ethnic" hair stuff where I live. She's mailed me product!!! We couldn't walk to from her apartment to the diner without stopping to say hi to a least 50 people. She knew & loved everybody and everybody who knows her loves her. I'm torn apart... My heart is broken..... I know my mothers heart is in pieces. I'm shocked, she wasn't sick..... She was the healthiest out of all of the "old ladies" her & her 2 sisters & 1 brother. She was the oldest. I don't know if I can go tomorrow, if she makes it through the night. My mom says she looks like she's sleeping & that she's warm........ But there's lots of tubes and the respirator. I want to remember her at Christmas.
I'm working on my papers, she would have wanted me too. Not to be in the hospital waiting for her to pass. I wish she'd see me graduate..... Dec. 2010.... Maybe if I didn't f-up in college the 1st time she would have seen that... When I talked to her the other day, she could tell I was bothered. I told her that that took my fin aid away and why. She said, "where do I mail the check or do they take Discovery Card (she always said Discovery Card instead of Discover Card). She was willing no questions asked to just pay my tuition to see a graduation in return..... I told her "no", I'll get my aid back and turn everything in ASAP..... Beg to get my grades posted with the quickness and my case reviewed by next Friday. I'm rushing in the shittiest work ever..... I hope I don't fail... She loves me so much that she'd love my "F"........ I guess we all handle crisises differently.... I blog about it.......... If you have a grandma, hug her, call, just say hi. That all they want from us their "babies". I could call her and we'd talk for an hour about NOTHING.... I could her her I pooped and she'd want to hear the whole story..... I've been calling her apartment all day just to hear her answering machine. It's the voice that somes pre-recorded. She picked the mans voice (b/c she lives alone), and when she calls me back later she says "my husband" said you left me a message!
Thank you lovely Beauty Bloggers for reading this if you did. At least you got a snippet of Mommy Cat....... I know we don't know each other but I feel like I've joined a community....... I went through my blogroll today b/c I knew that y'all would cheer me up and you did. I hate to sound corny (I'm medicated and I've been drinking a bit not the best way to work on a 8-15 page paper! What kinda range is that 8-15 pages, WTF!)

I ♥ you guys!!! You are all sweet and beautiful & talented individuals. I'm so glad I joined the blogesphere and found each and everyone of you..... Mommy Cat would of loved to hear about my new Asian Beauty Blogger friends....

Mommy Cat
Mommy Cat this Summer in Memphis, TN


I couldn't find the cute pic of the 3 of us. That's me & skinny my mom at the Family Reunion, this summer in Memphis, TN Mommy Cat said that was the best reunion yet! I wish she'd make to the reunion this year in the ATL! I didn't get the Crim "skinny" gene. I got my daddy's people "curvy big thigh & big boobies gene".
You can't tell from those pics but when the 3 of us were together they think that Mommy Cat is our mom & that my mom & I are sisters.

11 ♥Say Something♥:

Vanessa M. said...

babe..im in tears..im going thru a so so similar situation right now... im so sorry aboutmommy cats.. i wish i knew what to say but i cant even get myself to fix myself...im always here if you want to talk..

april said...

kennnnn.... im so sorry to hear about mommy cat. im pretty sure you are a wreck right now. I could only imagine. I'll pray for her and you and your mom. I cried reading this. im still a little teary now. after my pa died I kinda went into hibernation and put my career on hold because I was so unable to function. but its been a couple months and I realized its no way to solve it. I hope u don't lose ur self like I have. I changed my number. I have a blog that no one absolutley kno about. and ur 110% right. everyones blog roll does make u feel better. it sure as hell help me. I relocated to the city. beacuase I wasn't able to stay in a house where he once walked. I pretty much think its goin to haunt me forever. I'd hate to see u like. that u got soooo much charisma and potential. keep ur head up mama. ny best wishes goes out to u and ur family. mommy cat is proud of u. she was proud of u from the day u were born. and im pretty sure u gone keep makin her prouddd =) whether here physically or not. smile.... ur beautiful =) lol if ur ever in the phily city. hit me up. lol or aim me FaceGraffitii. haha philly is my new home. I moved from down south NC lol BIGGGG DIFFERENCE lol 2 diff. worlds. haha
-april

supervillain said...

Your Mommy Cat sounds like a super beautiful lady inside and out. I really admire how much you know about her. All the little details that you wrote about her really make me feel like I know her. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, Mommy Cat, and your whole family. I know it's hard but try to stay positive. Be strong. I wish you the best. xoxo

Miss Katin said...

My prayers are with you and your family. Reading about your Mommy Cat and seeing how you write about her with so much love proves what an amazing woman she is.... stay strong Kendall.

Mets GirLL said...

Kendall I'm so sorry sweetie about your Mommy Cat. I know the exact situation that you are in and I know how difficult it is. There's nothing that can help to alleviate your pain right now but I hope you find relief in knowing that there are plenty of people and places you can turn to to reach for help.
I've been reading your blog for only like a week, but you know there are tons of us out there in the blog world who have you and your Mommy Cat in our prayers.
Stay strong hunnie!

♥ Kendall ♥ said...

Thanks to everyone who's left me a comment or a message in my c-box or has emailed me personally. You don't understand how much your kind & loving words cheer me up! I keep reading this page and the comments and it makes me feel better.......

Mommy Cat is hearing your prayers.

Shez... said...

I'm praying for you and your family!

Media Princess said...

your not gonna believe this but I had the exact same experience.... only difference: my grandma had a heart attack, right in front of my 6 year old cousin and my great grandmother. I was in Hartford while the rest of my family was loosing there minds in NY.

This shit is never easy and never fun. I'm sorry that you had to go thru this. You and your family are in my prayers. <3

Emeria said...

hey hon..well at time like this noone can ever really say anything to really console you because all the words sound like a blur...

all i can say is just do the eulogy and do the reading..send a prayer up above before you do so and tell your mommy cat that you need strength to do it..

it'll help you out alot..especially the eulogy..my grandpa was always about celebrating life and maybe when you talk about your mommy cat you should celebrate her life..

my grandpas funeral was last saturday and it hurt like hell..seeing him one last time..i even waited til everyone left his grave site and they left his coffin unattended and i went hysterical.. my bf had to seriously hold me down...i just really wanted to be with my grandpa


and i know what you mean about graduating..thats what my grandpa wanted to see me do..was to graduate..so its up to you to finish..and use her as your motivation..i'm sure you can do it..and she'll be happy that you did do it..

i'm sure though she lived a full wonderful life..just be strong girl..cry whenever you need to..carry tissues with you..grab a couple of things that meant something to her..maybe a necklace or something or a piece of clothing..be there for your mom..if the respirator is the only thing keeping her alive..then maybe it's her time..

these things are never ever easy..you never think that they're going to go...i always thought of my grandpa as immortal..i always thought he'd be here..but now instead of his physical presence his spirit lives on in my heart and memories

my blog is just a click away/comment away :]

d-dub said...

I'm sorry to hear about your grandma. It's tough to deal, even though you know how life is, you just always expect them to be there, like they're indestructible. Be strong...

paperdollrevenge said...

Your Mommy Cat is the bomb! I love your name for her, the many details of everything you knew about her, how close you were, the Hello Kitty letters!

I got to meet my mom's mom once, because she lived in Vietnam my whole life, and still haven't met my dad's mom...so it sounds trite but definitely celebrate her life and your relationship with her, rather than the loss of having her physically in your life (she'll still be there in other ways). *hugs*